by Vince Darcangelo
It’s Thursday, three days until the AFC Championship Game, and the P-6 is stuck on the couch. Stuck? Yes, and not in the good way, like when the SciFi Channel is running a two-day marathon of Twilight Zone episodes.
It’s more like a coma, and not the good kind of coma, like when the doctor gives you too many IV opiates. This is paralysis, and a bipolar one at that. The P-6, with our Western Pennsylvania roots and Pittsburgh football loyalties, is sick with anticipation. Sick with fear. Even sick with that night-before-Christmas-when-you’re-eight impatience. Because on Sunday, our Steelers are going to punch their ticket to Tampa.
Or maybe not. And that’s not doing our nerves any favors.
We’re impatient to celebrate a victory, and living in mortal fear of a loss. The double-edged sword of playoff success is that every step forward sets one up for greater highs and ever-lower lows. Losing the conference championship always hurts (take it from someone who’s lived through seven of them and was old enough to remember five), but to lose it to your most fierce rival . . .
Well, watching San Diego celebrate on our home field would hurt. Watching the Ravens do it might cause cancer.
That’s why the P-6 is huddled in the fetal position on the couch, watching hours of coverage on NFL Network and all the various ESPN channels. We want to stop. We want to look away, turn the channel. But we can’t. Even our healthy intake of Food Network programming has been deferred until a later date. For distraction, we’ve cleaned out our DVR, which only had about 10 hours of free space left but now has more than 50. Even that was a mild reprieve, as it only served to remind us that this chore was done in the interest of clearing space for two weeks of Super Bowl programming.
What we wouldn’t give for a Twilight Zone marathon right now!
Just start the feakin’ games already!
Turning Browns’ Fans Eyes Blue
While the Ravens are our most fierce rival (and the Bengals are the most comical, the Cowboys our most diabolical and the Patriots the most unethical), our most hated rivals are the Cleveland Browns.
Not to pile it on, but a Steelers-Ravens match-up for the rights to the Super Bowl has got to be a nightmare come true for Clevelanders. If you’re a Browns’ fan, how do you pick a villain? Who do you root for, your oldest and most hated rival? Or your former team that waited until fleeing your city to win a Super Bowl?
Either way, you lose.
No matter what happens in the AFC Championship Game, a historic piece of the Steelers franchise is guaranteed to play in the big game. In 1943, during World War II, in order to field a squad the Steelers combined rosters with the Philadelphia Eagles for a season, known as the Steagles. In 1944, the Steelers joined forces with the Cardinals (then based in Chicago), known as Card-Pitt (a name that just doesn’t roll off the tongue as pleasantly as Steagles).
So be it Philly, Phoenix or Pittsburgh, a piece of Steelers franchise history will be playing for a title in Tampa. We’re pulling for the much-heralded all-Pennsylvania showdown.
Douchebag of the Week
Dave Meggett. No contest. On Tuesday, Meggett was arrested and charged with rape — his second sexual assault charge in the past five months. In all, he’s had five charges of sexual misconduct or sexual assault since 1990, not counting a non-sexual assault of an ex-girlfriend in 1995. If he’s guilty, the P-6 hopes he winds up in some sort of penal program that specializes in sexual misconduct.
Six Pack
Last week’s return to form saw the P-6 go 3-1 in playoff picks, bringing our season total to 51-35. We hope to turn that record into a palindrome this week.
Philadelphia vs. Arizona
These are both sexy picks right now, but the Birds are too hot, and the Red Birds are too gimpy.
P-6 picks: Philly
Baltimore vs. Pittsburgh
Just start the game already! My heart can’t take all this waiting!
P-6 picks: Pittsburgh
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