PickSix 1.9.09

Are You There God? It’s Me, the P-6
by Vince Darcangelo

Be still the P-6’s atheist heart. Recent events just might have us running to the nearest church, synagogue or mosque. (Or Buddhist temple — we do live in Boulder, after all.)

It all began at the conclusion of the regular season, when the hated Browns made a push to get the great Bill Cowher to dress in puke orange on Sundays. This was the P-6’s worst nightmare. In fact, we’ve secured a secret underground bunker in Nebraska to which we will retreat should that day ever come.

Thankfully, the Chin averted this doomsday scenario by rebuffing the Browns like a Detroit auto executive asked to fly coach.

All the P-6 had prayed for was that Cowher not go to the Browns. We received a much greater gift. The only thing better than Cowher (who is pretty much Mayor for Life in Pittsburgh) not going to Cleveland was watching him accept their flirtations only to give them a fake phone number at closing time. It was like watching your sworn enemy mac on your ex-girlfriend, and then she turns around and kicks him in the balls.

But wait, it gets better. Would the Browns finally get the formula right? Would they bring over Scott Pioli from New England? Bring back Marty Ball? Try and secure the services of one of the many fiery assistant coaches looking go all Tony Sparano or John Harbaugh on the floundering football team?

NO! They decided instead to hand over the reins to retread Eric Mangini, who garnered one playoff berth with Herm Edwards’ squad, but has missed the playoffs ever since. Now, the P-6 is a big fan of Mangini the Whistleblower, as he exposed the Patriots’ dynasty as the fraud that it is. We’ve never been impressed with his coaching talent, though, which makes us an even bigger fan of Mangini the Coach of the Browns.

We’re looking forward to another three years of blown coverages, wrecked motorcycles, dropped balls, draft busts, cap-busting free agents and other on- and off-field hijinx in Cleveland.

It’s enough to make us think that there just may be a higher power at work here. Although the front office moves of the Detroit Lions pretty much disprove Intelligent Design.


Six Pack

Wow, the P-6’s prognosticating prowess was at half strength in the Wild Card round, going 0-2 on Saturday and 2-0 on Sunday. That brings our season total to 48-34. Like Tony Kornheiser, we’ll try to do better next time.

Baltimore vs. Tennessee
The Ravens are frighteningly reminiscent of the ’05 Steelers and ’07 Giants.
P-6 picks: Baltimore

Arizona vs. Carolina
The Eastern Time Zone is a no-fly zone for these birds.
P-6 picks: Carolina

Philadelphia vs. N.Y. Giants
D-E-S-T-I-N-Y Eagles!
P-6 picks: Philly

San Diego vs. Pittsburgh
Let the beating begin.
P-6 picks: Pittsburgh