PickSix 12.04.08

Holy Rolle
by Vince Darcangelo

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Myron Rolle.

Douchebaggery abounds throughout the football universe, with Pacman Jones’ reinstatement, Vick’s guilty plea and Plaxico Burress’ poor aim (I guess that’s why he’s not a quarterback) dominating the headlines.

Buried in this mess is the story of Myron Rolle, cousin of Samari Rolle, who is the frontrunner for best football story of the year. Rolle is a safety for Florida State. He is also a Rhodes Scholar. A pre-med student, Rolle is forgoing his senior season and a likely NFL career to study medical anthropology at the University of Oxford. This summer he won a $4,000 grant to research a cure for cancer, and in his post-university life as a doctor he plans to set up medical clinics in underserved countries.

Oh yeah, he also hopes to get in a few years on the gridiron, ala Roger Staubach, after doing good deeds.

It’s safe to say that Rolle is the Patron Saint of football right now. Not only is he qualifying for every good-guy award out there, he’s doing it at Florida State — perhaps the only college football program with a worse reputation than the U. (In true Florida State style, last season his coaches criticized Rolle for spending too much time on his studies.)

As for the Plaxicos of the world? The P-6 is certainly no fan of this douchebag, and shooting oneself in the leg while being escorted to the VIP room of a nightclub definitely qualifies one as a douchebag.

That said, in a week that marked the one-year anniversary of the murder of Sean Taylor, three months following the shooting of Jaguars’ O-lineman Richard Collier and less than two years removed from the murder of Darrent Williams (not to mention other attacks targeting football players), we can’t fault Plaxico for packing a little protection.

Now, Plaxico made a lot of poor decisions along the way, including going someplace where he felt he needed to carry an illegally concealed weapon, but if given the choice between facing Bloomberg’s wrath or being defenseless against an assault, I think the P-6, like Plaxico, would rather face the former.

That said, Plaxico, are you kidding me?

But on to more important things. While Pacman, Plaxico and Vick (and let’s not forget O.J., who is making some headlines this weekend) are certainly working for the forces of evil, there is still a greater evil out there: the Dallas Cowgirls.

“America’s Team” stands for all that is wrong. This is the franchise of “Hollywood” Henderson, Leon Lett, Michael Irvin, T.O. and Pacman Jones. (In their defense they have had some good guys on their squad as well, like Staubach, Emmitt Smith and Tony Romo.) This is the golden boy franchise best known for its cheerleaders and celebrity girlfriends. They are the pro version of Notre Dame, the football version of the New York Yankees.

For crying out loud, they play in Texas!

This week, the ’Girls suit up against the P-6’s Pittsburgh Steelers. The blue-collar franchise. The champion of small-market franchises. The family run business that gave us the Rooney Rule. The Immaculate Reception. Franco Harris. Rocky Bleier. Hines Ward. The ownership that supported Barack Obama in a battleground state.

This is classic Good vs. Evil.

Cheerleaders? We don’t need no stinkin’ cheerleaders. Football is ugly, dirty, sweaty. Dallas likes to play in nice, sunny weather and have its cheerleaders prance about like a bunch of waitresses at Hooters (we hear the new stadium is going to be equipped with stripper poles). They've got high-profile celebs in the luxury boxes. Pittsburgh likes it cold, snowy, muddy, ugly and toothless, and while you’re checking out the pom-poms, our linebacker corps is kicking your ass. And when you look into the crowd at Heinz Field, you'll see the Steel City version of a celebrity: Someone who busts their ass 50 hours a week to feed their family.

Good must prevail this weekend. So for this week’s Front Seven, here are the seven reasons this is a must-win game for our beloved Steelers.

Front Seven

1. AFC North. The Steelers must win it to stay at least one game ahead in the division.

2. AFC Playoffs. The Steelers can qualify for the playoffs on Sunday with a win and losses by the Dolphins and Patriots.

3. AFC Conference. The Steelers must win it to stay within striking distance of Tennessee in the conference playoff seeding.

4. Cross-state Loyalty. The Steelers must win it for the Philly faithful — especially Gary and Mikey — who hate the Cowgirls as much as we hate the Browns.

5. Old-Times Sake. Really, is there anything more satisfying than beating the Cowgirls and all they stand for?

6. For the Sake of America. Did we mention the Cowgirls play in Texas, the most embarrassing of these United States? (Kansas is a close second.)

7. For the Sake of all that is Good. The Steelers must win it so that good might prevail over evil.


Hot Reads

Douchebag of the Week: Whatever sons of bitches were behind the Mumbai terrorist attacks. We’ve got enough bombs for all of ya. Here’s hoping we use them.

Red Zone: The NFL season is in the home stretch, and so is the PickSix. Our 3-3 showing last time was mediocre, but with a season record of 35-25, we’re poised for a late-season run.


Six Pack

Oakland vs. San Diego
Not that we have a lot of faith in the Chargers, but we feel they’ve got this one under control. Perhaps a trick running play to the most out-of-shape player on the Raiders squad will be the difference maker.
P-6 picks: San Diego

Minnesota vs. Detroit
We’ve been saying it every week, but this time we mean it. With the bulk (literally) of Minnesota’s D-line in detention, this is the week Detroit goes big.
P-6 picks: Detroit

Houston vs. Green Bay
If the Texans wear those Santa suits against the Packers’ home greens in snowy Green Bay, well, that will look more like a Christmas special than a football game.
P-6 picks: Houston

Miami vs. Buffalo
Now for our international portion of the column. The big winner? Whoever can bring home some of that delicious universal health care. We need it here. Now.
P-6 picks: Miami

St. Louis vs. Arizona
Who cares?
P-6 picks: Arizona

Dallas vs. Pittsburgh
Let it snow. Let it snow. Let it snow.
P-6 picks: Good shall prevail over Evil, er, Pittsburgh