PickSix 12.18.08

Wish List
by Vince Darcangelo

This being the final PickSix before Xmas, our first thought was to do a Front Seven listing all the cool things the P-6 would like to see under our tree on Christmas morn. A high-def flat-screen TV, for example. Or a 12-episode commitment from ABC to air my coming-of-age TV drama focusing on the lives of six attractive, affluent high school kids living in California.

Oh wait, they might have already run that a time or two.

Instead, the P-6 is filled with the spirit of giving, so rather than scribbling out our own wish list, we are bestowing gifts on those in the NFL — both naughty and nice.

Front Seven

1. Rod Marinelli: Nice. Rod, you’ve inspired the P-6 with your positive attitude and stand-up approach to coaching and to life. It’s a shame you’re involved with one of the worst franchises in pro sports. We’re cheering for you and hope you come up with a big win this week.
Present: A new team, or, if this whole coaching the Lions thing doesn’t work out, a three-book deal with Scribner to write motivational books. And a Wii.

2. Bill Beli-Cheat: Naughty. What do you get for the coach who has everything (including part of the other team’s playbook)?
Present: We’ve collected all of your illegally procured videos and photos and uploaded them into a lovely digital photo frame from Radio Shack. Cheater.

3. Ben Roethlisberger: Nice. Is it just us, or does Ben—like Rocky—play better after you’ve broken both his arms, sliced off a foot and severed his spinal cord?
Present: An offensive line. Dear Santa, an offensive line. And a DVD of Iron Eagle.

4. Dana Jacobson of ESPN: Naughty and/or Nice (depending on your opinion of Notre Dame and Christianity). You took the words right out of the P-6’s mouth.
Present: Another season of Charlie Weis running the Notre Dame program into the ground. And another bottle of whatever it was you were drinking.

5. Joey Porter: Nice. Never mind the logo on the side of your helmet, you’ll always be a Steeler to the P-6. For the on-field ferocity, for telling it like it is to the likes of Beli-Cheat and for getting flagged for a touchdown celebration at a freakin’ college game(!), we’re cheering you all the way.
Present: A weekly supply of fresh Huckleberries all the way to the postseason. And one of those crazy phones that plays video games, downloads porn and allows you to communicate with space aliens.

6. Matt Birk: Nice. Way to step up to the plate for a good cause.
Present: That new George Foreman Grill with all those cool accessories.

7. Braylon Edwards: Naughty. At first your problem was dropping the ball. Now you seem to have fumbled your grasp of reality. Those boos you hear in Cleveland have nothing to do with your alma mater.
Present: A big tub of Stick-Em. And a box of tissues.

Six Pack

Last week’s 4-2 showing improved our season record to 44-28, and guarantees us a winning record in the regular season. For this week’s picks, we continue with our gift theme.

Baltimore vs. Dallas
For football fanatics like the P-6, this A-list showdown is a gift as welcome as a new puppy on Christmas. What a match-up. Our gut says the Ravens D will prove to be too much for Romo’s ailing back, but how do you pick against the Cowboys in the last game at Texas Stadium?
P-6 picks: Dallas

Cincinnati vs. Cleveland
Talk about your lumps of coal. Who in the NFL’s scheduling department thought this would be a compelling late-season match-up? I guess with both teams being from Ohio, fans from both sides will be hating on Edwards.
P-6 picks: Cincinnati

New Orleans vs. Detroit
Lions, Merry Christmas. So long as you don’t shoot your eye out, this will be your week.
P-6 picks: Detroit

Houston vs. Oakland
Even though they’re the road team, I think the NFL should decree that the Texans must wear their Santa suit unis every game before Christmas.
P-6 picks: Houston

N.Y. Jets vs. Seattle
What would the holidays be without more Brett Favre will-he-or-won’t-he drama leading up to another teary-eyed showdown between him and Mike Holmgren?
P-6 picks: N.Y. Jets

Green Bay vs. Chicago
Someone at Monday Night Football must have been naughty this year (we’re looking at you, Kornheiser) to receive this lump of coal for the final Monday night game. Wow, the P-6 just wept a little, writing that. The final Monday night game of the season. Already. Damn.
P-6 picks: Chicago